What Facebook Says About The Farm
If I’m not paying for Facebook, am I the product?
No. Our product is social media – the ability to connect with the people that matter to you, wherever they are in the world. It’s the same with a free search engine, website or newspaper. The core product is reading the news or finding information – and the ads exist to fund that experience.
Should I Work At Facebook?
Dear Facebook, can I work for you? I promise to create more accurate and entertaining analogies that you can sell to other industries in need of PR facelifts too.
Chicken: Am I the product?
Poultry Industry: No featherbrain, you are not the product. Our product provides tasteful connections that unite tastebuds across the world.
As part of our community, we provide you with free space to step on cushiony fellow chickens and poop on them to your heart’s content; enclosing you in dark windowless aromatic housing optimized to protect you from human eyeballs or the occasional rude undercover journalist.
We provide free daycare for your young ones, including transportation for them in small groups of a dozen.
We’re providing free beak removal without frivolous pain reducers and access to the latest genetic advancements guaranteed to speed up your personal growth (you really don’t need to walk around with all that modified weight, look at your chest dude—walking is for losers). Your genetically enhanced and sanity reducing life-style will quickly have you enjoying the warmer climates as you engage in sizzling encounters with other friends over a charcoal bed of climate enhancing heat.
Don’t let your sisters, the cows, have all the fun!
Our platform is free to you so that no chicken will feel left out. Walk across the road with pride (sorry you can’t walk, but we care about your privacy—see section on windowless housing). We don’t sell your data. We fund this experience by simply and efficiently matching tastebuds to the flavors of your skinless interests.
Our product is connections. We help humans and chickens build bridges that unite them over a meal.
Thank you for trusting us! We will never see white or dark. We see pieces to a better bottom line which you chose to cross because the road was way too long for your freakishly grown (think of the SEO though) breast.
You get better handling (ads), non-feathered friends (advertisers) get a tailored meal (audience) and everyone on the farm (Facebook) gets our firm commitment to breaking neck massages (privacy).
Actually Facebook, I must withdraw myself from seeking employment on your farm. #SocialVegan